A friend walked up to me and with a depressing look said, “I have a challenge…” I wasn’t quick to ask what is was but I showed concern.

When I eventually asked, “what exactly is the problem?” She said it is about her relationship. She further said she could have asked for my advice regarding the situation at hand but she knows I have no experience in relationship matters.

With a smile I looked at her to assure her I took no offense in her conclusive thoughts.

The next two hours of our conversation was about me telling her my experience in being in a relationship. She was aw struck and appreciated my openness not just in telling her my story but also helping her understand she isn’t in a situation strange to others.

When we hear the word ‘loneliness’ our minds first go to the feeling someone has when he or she is not in a sensual relationship with an opposite sex.

I too believed that was what loneliness was all about for very long until I began to meet people from different backgrounds, thought patterns and values.

The Unsaid Truth about Loneliness

In life, a great percentage of people are either struggling for money or for love. Not to love but to be loved. Not to spend but to possess.

It is understandable to seek a companion when you are all by yourself. But what do you do when you are in the midst of many people but still feel lonely?

Loneliness isn’t just the emptiness that engulfs us when the only thing that seems close to us is our cloths. Loneliness is also the noise around us from the people that are unable to fill our gaps.

Loneliness isn’t just a feeling it is a way of life.

The strongest among us aren’t those who are not lonely but those who know how to gain strength when they have every reason to be weak.

It is easier to deal with yourself but it is a greater pressure to deal with people whose values do not align to yours.

In a school, religious gathering or organizational setting, the depression you get from being misunderstood is enough loneliness to handle.

I have set out on many days to find people who think like me, who have the same or similar values like I do. My search for people who see things the way I see things has been one of the longest searches of my life.

Not finding someone like me gave me the opportunity to reconsider what loneliness really is.

What Is Your Rhythm?

If we are truthful to ourselves, we will acknowledge that is it easier to deal with disappointments even from close friends than to live in a world where it seems no one understands us or can relate to our priorities.

When I earlier said loneliness is a way of life, what I meant is more often than not if you are truly focused on your innate gifting, career path, entrepreneurship or academic pursuit, at some point you will have to learn to be okay walking alone.

It takes time to find people with the same rhythm as you.

This explains why many friendships do not last long. We get into friendships or even relationships with people for many other reasons that fade away with time.

Loneliness as a way of life will require you to stay true to yourself. This does not in any way imply that you lock yourself and your heart from meeting and conversing with people.

What that truly means is you have to let your true self shine (your gifts and abilities).

Becoming someone else in order to gain friends will only serve you in a short while.

True friends, entrepreneurial partners, study mates all stay together when they understand the uniqueness of each other.

To effectively deal with loneliness, the solution is not in you throwing yourself to anyone at anytime just to feel safe, or in a companionship.

It begins with you understanding yourself. When you understand yourself, you will learn to accept yourself. And once that is something you enjoy doing, you will seek friends not because you need someone you can depend on but because he or she is someone that complements what drives you.

You Are Your Answer

Loneliness demands one thing from us, not to first seek for others who can fill our gaps but to most importantly find our true selves.

Finding solace in others without first understanding what inspires you, what sets your soul on fire, what cause are you willing today to die for? Is like going to the market without prior knowledge of what you need to buy.

Without having in-depth answers to these questions, you will always encounter the depressing feeling of loneliness because no one can fill a gap or complement a passion or goal you haven’t identified.

Do Not Go On the Wrong Journey

Before you pack your bags (give up or quit) and bid your neighbours goodbye (drown in depression), take a more careful look in your house (within you).

The answers to many life questions has been divinely placed inside of you. If you are in doubt permit me to remind you, you were created in the image of the Almighty God and that alone means much if you take the time to listen to his leading for your life.


Victory Bassey

I help individuals earn a life beyond just earning a living. I am the author of ‘You Are Not A failure‘ and initiator of ‘Come Alive‘, a mentoring program. I am also the founder and host of ‘The Legacy‘

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